Once again, I am boarding the bus for O'Hare and flying to Ft. Myers to visit dad, now 82 and feeling it, all 6'10" and 370 pounds of him.
Time to look up the name of my life insurance carrier again and write it down for John, the only information I ever make a point of leaving.
Leaving reminds me, once again, of my extreme frailty, that life can change on a dime. Goodness knows, my family didn't see my 2-year absence coming, back when I decided I needed to stay with dad for his BIG MOVE.
Leaving also reminds me of how much there is to say and how overwhelming it is to think of all that.
I was reminded by a dear friend last night of the blessing of not being tied to things. And I'm not, really. That doesn't mean I don't love to make my abode as nice as possible and put my best foot forward, but you know what I mean.
But I am tied to people, strongly tethered actually. And the thought of not seeing any of you again makes me cry.
Now, there is a darling granddaughter to add to the cherished daughters, a husband who needs me, dogs who appear to worship me, my church family of 20+ years, and this wonderful community of friends, ever-changing and growing in truly exciting ways.
But off I go, in the face of what might be, to the unknown, and this daily prayer from my Lenten on-line devotional will have to suffice:
Go now with the assurance
That God has you in mind;
God values you and
Knows your potential.
Live this day knowing
That God has something for you;
God is making a difference
Through you.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
ALL STRINGS ATTACHED
Wow, no one ever told me that becoming a Nana (my chosen name,though I am open to suggestions) would do such a number on my world! Suddenly, I spend copious amounts of time staring into the eyes of an infant. Gee, how low ago was that that I stared into the eyes of an infant? 19 years next month. An eternity.
I wrestled last night, thinking about my dear mom and the fact that she never got to be much a part of my daughters' lives. Such a shame, because she and they are all so awesome and fun to be with. But distance and lack of expendable income kept them apart. As I experience this little one, Layla, so up close and personally, I ache for what Mom didn't have. I hope she didn't go through the second part of her life yearning, as I might imagine myself doing.
Did I say imagine myself doing? Correct that. Even in the midst of all that is so good in my life, I am here to confess that I continue to yearn. And I don't expect it to stop anytime soon, as I have already lived out a good half of my life. And watching Dad struggle with 82, I'm thinking I might be glad not to get there.
What I want is ALREADY HERE, that's the plain truth of it. It's just that I need to open my eyes wider and wider to see it, or rather pray that God do that for me, because from what i can tell so far, I'm not very good at it.
On my way to church last week, this prayer popped in (I swear it has something to do with that river): "Oh God! Save me from my wants, my desires, my yearnings, my regrets, you know the list, because they are already satisfied in you. It's not about me!!! Please let me be of service to others with no thought of myself."
That is my ongoing prayer.
I wrestled last night, thinking about my dear mom and the fact that she never got to be much a part of my daughters' lives. Such a shame, because she and they are all so awesome and fun to be with. But distance and lack of expendable income kept them apart. As I experience this little one, Layla, so up close and personally, I ache for what Mom didn't have. I hope she didn't go through the second part of her life yearning, as I might imagine myself doing.
Did I say imagine myself doing? Correct that. Even in the midst of all that is so good in my life, I am here to confess that I continue to yearn. And I don't expect it to stop anytime soon, as I have already lived out a good half of my life. And watching Dad struggle with 82, I'm thinking I might be glad not to get there.
What I want is ALREADY HERE, that's the plain truth of it. It's just that I need to open my eyes wider and wider to see it, or rather pray that God do that for me, because from what i can tell so far, I'm not very good at it.
On my way to church last week, this prayer popped in (I swear it has something to do with that river): "Oh God! Save me from my wants, my desires, my yearnings, my regrets, you know the list, because they are already satisfied in you. It's not about me!!! Please let me be of service to others with no thought of myself."
That is my ongoing prayer.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
It's not about me. It's about me being like YOU.
So, continuing my last blog, my sister finally called. We spoke very briefly until I found out she was on the elliptical, doing her daily workout, at which point I suggested she call me back when she was done.
And, surprise, surprise, I hung up the phone and caught a seriously GREEN reflection as I passed by the mirror. You've got to be kidding me. I thought about how I might actually have to act out my responses of delight and encouragement, with absolutely no truth behind them.
What gives here? Why am I bothered by her telling me that she is on the elliptical? I am thinking it's because currently I am somewhat torqued at the top of my leg, making even walking a little challenging. It's probably going to be a cane day.
So, it's because I can't that I'm upset that she can. That brings to mind an ugly word.
SELFISH.
The exact opposite of what Jesus was/is. And here's where the rubber really hits the road. Am I going to say, enough of this, enough of ME, and more/ALL of You, please?
I sure am bound to try.
And, surprise, surprise, I hung up the phone and caught a seriously GREEN reflection as I passed by the mirror. You've got to be kidding me. I thought about how I might actually have to act out my responses of delight and encouragement, with absolutely no truth behind them.
What gives here? Why am I bothered by her telling me that she is on the elliptical? I am thinking it's because currently I am somewhat torqued at the top of my leg, making even walking a little challenging. It's probably going to be a cane day.
So, it's because I can't that I'm upset that she can. That brings to mind an ugly word.
SELFISH.
The exact opposite of what Jesus was/is. And here's where the rubber really hits the road. Am I going to say, enough of this, enough of ME, and more/ALL of You, please?
I sure am bound to try.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Just do it.
Do to others as you would have them do to you. That verse, NIV version, which I have read and heard countless times broke me open yesterday to a whole new way of seeing -- what I call an Epiphany!
It turns out that Luke Chapter 6 as a whole packs a MEGA wallop. I was not expecting the quick tears, but then my mind just honed right in. Do to others as you would have them do to you -- made harder for me, since I struggle ferociously with the big E - envy.
I immediately thought of my sisters, both younger, one already gone. How many times I wounded them with my mean (envious) replies, because I wanted what they had and refused to rejoice over their good fortune. My regrets are legion.
But then this: What if, when my sister shares something good that's going on with her, I imagine her words as my own and respond as I would yearn for her to respond to me.
I texted her, wanting to test this new response mechanism, scratch that, love response. Could I do it, I wondered. Alas,she has not called me back yet but when she does, I'm hoping to "change things up", as dear friend L likes to say, and send her off scratching her head and wondering what's gotten into her big sis.
And if she ever asks, or maybe even if she doesn't, I'll tell her, Luke 6:31 got into me, like it never had before.
It turns out that Luke Chapter 6 as a whole packs a MEGA wallop. I was not expecting the quick tears, but then my mind just honed right in. Do to others as you would have them do to you -- made harder for me, since I struggle ferociously with the big E - envy.
I immediately thought of my sisters, both younger, one already gone. How many times I wounded them with my mean (envious) replies, because I wanted what they had and refused to rejoice over their good fortune. My regrets are legion.
But then this: What if, when my sister shares something good that's going on with her, I imagine her words as my own and respond as I would yearn for her to respond to me.
I texted her, wanting to test this new response mechanism, scratch that, love response. Could I do it, I wondered. Alas,she has not called me back yet but when she does, I'm hoping to "change things up", as dear friend L likes to say, and send her off scratching her head and wondering what's gotten into her big sis.
And if she ever asks, or maybe even if she doesn't, I'll tell her, Luke 6:31 got into me, like it never had before.
Friday, January 27, 2012
My Latest Invention
Why hasn't anyone come up with day gloves for those of us with our hands in paper all day? I am currently fighting a losing battle with dryness and cracking. I cringe every time I must wash my hands (after visiting the restroom or flipping through newspaper), obviously something that must be done, but then wiping them on paper? Only to return to my desk and shuffle through papers. Not to mention the many paper cuts of all sizes. They would need to be as if we weren't wearing them at all, gloves we could type in, wipe in, WASH, and hopefully, gloves that would moisturize all day. Is that too much to ask?
I love being an inventor. Of course, I'm not really an inventor; I'm an envision-er. I've had many ideas over the years,not written down and so forgotten, but two of my favorites are recycling at the mailbox (my dad and I had a real catchy name for that one) & swing arm seats for cashiers that could be tucked under the grocery belt. Maybe you see the pattern. What will make life easier?
That's become a current mantra, though I didn't necessarily realize it until just now: Make life easier .. for everyone I come in contact with -- strangers, friends, relatives, ME! Of course what that looks like could be a million different things, right?
For me, it looks like cleaning out litter boxes, putting gas in cars, driving a daughter to school, keeping the kitchen fully accessible (fancy lingo for doing dishes), towels hanging in the bathroom, covers folded on backs of couches, the list goes on, doesn't it -- the myriad of little things I can do to make life easier for those around me.
So, here's my new and exciting life development: On Mondays (cleaning days) I allow myself a small home improvement, each week. Do the math. 52 times 1 small home improvement is going to get me a long way down that (seemingly) endless list.
I couldn't be more delighted.
I love being an inventor. Of course, I'm not really an inventor; I'm an envision-er. I've had many ideas over the years,not written down and so forgotten, but two of my favorites are recycling at the mailbox (my dad and I had a real catchy name for that one) & swing arm seats for cashiers that could be tucked under the grocery belt. Maybe you see the pattern. What will make life easier?
That's become a current mantra, though I didn't necessarily realize it until just now: Make life easier .. for everyone I come in contact with -- strangers, friends, relatives, ME! Of course what that looks like could be a million different things, right?
For me, it looks like cleaning out litter boxes, putting gas in cars, driving a daughter to school, keeping the kitchen fully accessible (fancy lingo for doing dishes), towels hanging in the bathroom, covers folded on backs of couches, the list goes on, doesn't it -- the myriad of little things I can do to make life easier for those around me.
So, here's my new and exciting life development: On Mondays (cleaning days) I allow myself a small home improvement, each week. Do the math. 52 times 1 small home improvement is going to get me a long way down that (seemingly) endless list.
I couldn't be more delighted.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
To Whom it May Concern
Dear Friends at the Kroc,
Greetings from a happy NNN resident! We are so pleased to have you with us! I have been coveting the position of Welcome Desk for several months now, having submitted an application before your job fair at the Palais Royale and again at that job fair, but my friend Melissa, a recent hire, advised that I do it again.
Initially, reading that the Welcome Desk Lead had (presumably) been hired, I was sad not to have even been considered, but after reading the qualifications and responsibilities of the Associate, I am convinced that I am your best candidate for that job. Why?
Because I love people, all of them. My favorite job so far, bar none, was as Welcome Desk Professional at Shell Point Retirement in Fort Myers, Florida. They preferred to call me Administrative Assistant, but most of my time was spent engaging and helping all manner of people. My dream job!
Because I have years and years of experience in an office setting and specifically in customer service. I know how to provide stellar service to one and all, having done that with the residents and staff of a group home we ran in Philadelphia, the residents and staff of Notre Dame's married student housing, Shell Point, and now funeral homes and families submitting obituaries to the South Bend Tribune. I also spent six years in Classifieds at the Trib, where I was my supervisor's go-to problem solver when we had an angry customer.
Because I am a highly proficient typist with well-honed grammatical skills and an excellent communicator in person and on paper; I have been working with computers for many,many years; I love the phones; I am a team player, gladly going the extra mile to help out when needed; I am always prompt and never sick; I keep myself in good shape; I'm strong.
I know that this is a very important position at the Kroc and I am certain that I can live up to your expectations. I hope you will allow me the pleasure of an interview. I am confident that my unique set of gifts and skills would make me an asset to your organization. All the best as you search for the right person; I hope your search stops with me.
With affection,
Cynthia W. Haas (Cyn)
Greetings from a happy NNN resident! We are so pleased to have you with us! I have been coveting the position of Welcome Desk for several months now, having submitted an application before your job fair at the Palais Royale and again at that job fair, but my friend Melissa, a recent hire, advised that I do it again.
Initially, reading that the Welcome Desk Lead had (presumably) been hired, I was sad not to have even been considered, but after reading the qualifications and responsibilities of the Associate, I am convinced that I am your best candidate for that job. Why?
Because I love people, all of them. My favorite job so far, bar none, was as Welcome Desk Professional at Shell Point Retirement in Fort Myers, Florida. They preferred to call me Administrative Assistant, but most of my time was spent engaging and helping all manner of people. My dream job!
Because I have years and years of experience in an office setting and specifically in customer service. I know how to provide stellar service to one and all, having done that with the residents and staff of a group home we ran in Philadelphia, the residents and staff of Notre Dame's married student housing, Shell Point, and now funeral homes and families submitting obituaries to the South Bend Tribune. I also spent six years in Classifieds at the Trib, where I was my supervisor's go-to problem solver when we had an angry customer.
Because I am a highly proficient typist with well-honed grammatical skills and an excellent communicator in person and on paper; I have been working with computers for many,many years; I love the phones; I am a team player, gladly going the extra mile to help out when needed; I am always prompt and never sick; I keep myself in good shape; I'm strong.
I know that this is a very important position at the Kroc and I am certain that I can live up to your expectations. I hope you will allow me the pleasure of an interview. I am confident that my unique set of gifts and skills would make me an asset to your organization. All the best as you search for the right person; I hope your search stops with me.
With affection,
Cynthia W. Haas (Cyn)
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
OBITS II
This will be II of many, long as I keep my job in Obits as each day brings with it, as the Bible says, enough trouble of its own; thus we need not conjure up some more by our worries. Easier said than done, I am afraid, least as far as I can surmise thus far, and I'm pretty far down the road
Yesterday I had to edit obituaries for still-born Chayse, 8 month old Maci, 25 year old Adam, 57 year old Mary. Hard day, 'specially as a new Nana. And yet, for me, it's a particular blessing to be there, midst the grief and sadness, to ponder, pray, give thanks for a life, however shortly lived. It's a good fit.
Especially since what I (think I) long for is a totally different sort of job, more like the one I had in Florida as Front Desk/Greeter in the King's Crown Assisted Living at Shell Point, where I had personal interaction throughout the day with all manner of folk. Heaven.
Now I sit mostly quietly in Obits, my buddy Dave by my side, both of us wanting to put out a perfect day's worth, living a different sort of workday than our neighbors in Classifieds,where all is (usually) jollity and laughter. (Makes for a nice backdrop.)
And always there is that balance of young and old, rich and poor, well-loved and forgotten, the vast variety of humanity. What a gift to be able to share in the lives of so many in this small way, which actually, to me, is a very big way.
If you have a chance, pick up the local paper today or go to our website (sbtinfo.com/obituaries) and read Ms. Leyes' obit. Now there was quite a woman!!
Yesterday I had to edit obituaries for still-born Chayse, 8 month old Maci, 25 year old Adam, 57 year old Mary. Hard day, 'specially as a new Nana. And yet, for me, it's a particular blessing to be there, midst the grief and sadness, to ponder, pray, give thanks for a life, however shortly lived. It's a good fit.
Especially since what I (think I) long for is a totally different sort of job, more like the one I had in Florida as Front Desk/Greeter in the King's Crown Assisted Living at Shell Point, where I had personal interaction throughout the day with all manner of folk. Heaven.
Now I sit mostly quietly in Obits, my buddy Dave by my side, both of us wanting to put out a perfect day's worth, living a different sort of workday than our neighbors in Classifieds,where all is (usually) jollity and laughter. (Makes for a nice backdrop.)
And always there is that balance of young and old, rich and poor, well-loved and forgotten, the vast variety of humanity. What a gift to be able to share in the lives of so many in this small way, which actually, to me, is a very big way.
If you have a chance, pick up the local paper today or go to our website (sbtinfo.com/obituaries) and read Ms. Leyes' obit. Now there was quite a woman!!
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